you cant

rely on anyone but yourself in this world. Sure it's a hard pill to swallow, but in all honesty if there's a sure fire way for anything to happen, you gotta step up and do it yourself, be by yourself. I don't know what's with me. Maybe school is actually getting more difficult, or maybe I've lost my focus, and touch. I know in the big picture, me worrying so much about this math test really wont do much. By failing one math test, I won't not get into university, or graduate high school, I mean, I am in only the tenth grade. I have dozens of math tests to go through still in my life. But even though this one test won't make a huge difference in my life, I mean, in a week or so I'll have forgotten it by then and moved on to other things, it still makes me realize how much I've changed this passed school year. I hate it. My so called ability in academics is all I have. I feel like Rachel Berry when she loses her voice. That's all I'm good at, and if I am not good at school anymore, then what does that make me? I know this whole little pickle, is all my fault, everything always is. But, I don't know why I let myself get here. This isn't me. Which brings me back to the start of this rant. If I cannot even rely on myself anymore, that what's going to happen with me. I need a reality check, and maybe some ADD pills. You can't rely on anyone but yourself, a lesson I learned the hard way.

now

i really don't know what im doing.

sometimes

i dont know what i am doing anymore.

you got me - colbie caillat

definitely weren't ready for these...
hahah la photo cabine is so fun.

you, you da best

my heart stops

every time I hear that phone click at the wrong time.

I hope you know how much you can break me, just by

hanging up before I say 'i love you' gives me shivers.

I know its foolish and stupid, but I have really given

my all in this. Stop over thinking and have some faith me

then maybe together we can gain faith in us.

lalalalalala :)

love is all you need

The Beatles definitely had it right, all you need is love.
Why do we do anything in life? From taking a walk in the park to cleaning dirty diapers, love really makes the world go round. Everyone in the world is looking for love. Love in religion, sex, drugs, friends, tv's, computers, anything and everything. Love generates happiness, which in turn generates the meaning of life. There's a reason why six year old girls grow up searching for a Prince Charming and why it's always embedded in our minds to find someone we can be with. This is because love is found in the greatest earthly form through humans being with humans. Through family, friends, strangers. Why do teenage girls stress out about their dress size or how their butt looks in those rockin republic jeans? Because it brings acceptance. Everyone wants to be accepted, wanted, loved. Its crazy when you think about it. The reason why anyone does anything on earth will cross paths with love. It may not always be the right way shape or form, but what else is there to do on earth that's meaningful than sharing our lives. Everyone needs love, but many people don't get it.
Recently just watched that movie Precious and tears came to my eyes as I realized how fortunate I am. I can't just sit here while these things happen. When people are being exploited for cheap chocolate and kids are dying for lack of food while countless amounts of food here are being thrown away like it's dirt. What can I do? It driving me insane how immobile and idle I am being, I need to find a way to make a change. God didn't give me an amazing life for no reason. Lives like mine aren't handed out like flyers downtown. I am going to do something. I know I can because I'm lucky, and it's not fair that other people are living lives of brutality just because of fate. I'm going to find a way to do something. I will.

Ps. make a wish.

i wanna wake up in your arms.

i love how comfortable we are with each other
i love how we endlessly make fun of each other
but never take the teasing to heart
i absolutely adore how when i turn away from you
when we're fighting, you try to stay mad, and psst after me after two minutes
i love the look in your eyes when i stare into them
or how you look when we kiss
i love how i can call you anytime i need someone
and how you never fail to make me smile
or laugh
i love how you need me as much as i need you
but most of all, i love how you love me.

there's a story at the bottom of this bottle, and im the pen.

Browsing through my old nexopia blogs, I realize how idle I am sometimes. By idle I mean inactive, sitting around, doing nothing. I know it's still far but I'm nearing the end of my highschool journey and what have I accomplished? I am gladly employed again, though the nostalgia for the bakery wafts up from time to time. I miss the people, the atmosphere, and of course the goods. Life is always changing and moving from one point to another and I remember how I was just a year from now. Just a year ago, I was a party-hungry, let's-get-fucked-up girl, always looking to have a smashing time. I was kinda verging reckless doing stupid things with stupid people. Getting hurt a bazillion more times than necessary, and losing pieces of dignity I had. Gladly enough, Pitt Day woke me up, and the long, solitary summer brought me back to reality. Now, nearing the end of tenth grade I'm a new person. I'm motivated again to be happy, all natural. I realize I hate promises. Maybe it's because most of the time, they get broken, and I hate having the feeling to trust someone. I mean of course I don't hate trust itself, but no one can promise you anything. There's always that possibility of things breaking, falling, disintegrating or whatnot. Situations that I've been in have taught me that people will let you down. I'm not being a hypocrite because I know I myself have disappointed others. There's always that lingering aroma of possible fallibility in everything in life, and I think that is what makes life so wonderful. No one can give you the security of not waking up and feeling different. Sometimes these changes don't happen over night, but over time yes. But people do risk things. People risk things because life and love is a gamble, and becoming broken and mislead is worth wagering for a time of happiness. Without the possibility of everything disappearing, the possibility of anything worthy doesn't exist.

i wont just buy you a rose, i will buy the flower shop.

For once, I don't have anything to complain about.

you're a risk i've decided that i'm going to take

lets do this forever?

le monde et vous?

non, le monde et nous.

like puzzle pieces from the clay

Someone please explain to me why there is a huge hype about the turning of a year? I understand, yes we all made it through another one without fucking up the world and all of humanity didn't swirl to an unbearable end, but all this bs about change and a new start irks me. Do you need a calendar to tell you to change? Why don't you just quit the fucking around, face life like a man (no sexism intended) and change when you want. Change on May 23 or on August 4th, if thats when you notice you started failing in life again. Then again, I am probably contradicting myself when I say this, because I myself have many hopes for this upcoming year. Even if there is not much of a difference on December 31 and January 1st, as in I am the same person, I have my wishes for this new year. Hopefrully, I won't be the same day-dreaming, never acting person that I am. Something's gotta happen this year.