Monday, March 22, 2010

there's a story at the bottom of this bottle, and im the pen.

Browsing through my old nexopia blogs, I realize how idle I am sometimes. By idle I mean inactive, sitting around, doing nothing. I know it's still far but I'm nearing the end of my highschool journey and what have I accomplished? I am gladly employed again, though the nostalgia for the bakery wafts up from time to time. I miss the people, the atmosphere, and of course the goods. Life is always changing and moving from one point to another and I remember how I was just a year from now. Just a year ago, I was a party-hungry, let's-get-fucked-up girl, always looking to have a smashing time. I was kinda verging reckless doing stupid things with stupid people. Getting hurt a bazillion more times than necessary, and losing pieces of dignity I had. Gladly enough, Pitt Day woke me up, and the long, solitary summer brought me back to reality. Now, nearing the end of tenth grade I'm a new person. I'm motivated again to be happy, all natural. I realize I hate promises. Maybe it's because most of the time, they get broken, and I hate having the feeling to trust someone. I mean of course I don't hate trust itself, but no one can promise you anything. There's always that possibility of things breaking, falling, disintegrating or whatnot. Situations that I've been in have taught me that people will let you down. I'm not being a hypocrite because I know I myself have disappointed others. There's always that lingering aroma of possible fallibility in everything in life, and I think that is what makes life so wonderful. No one can give you the security of not waking up and feeling different. Sometimes these changes don't happen over night, but over time yes. But people do risk things. People risk things because life and love is a gamble, and becoming broken and mislead is worth wagering for a time of happiness. Without the possibility of everything disappearing, the possibility of anything worthy doesn't exist.

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