Monday, December 21, 2009

im giving up slowlyy

the birds fly away, snickering among themselves while they fly away.

someone please get me out of here

Sunday, October 25, 2009

call the cops i think she's dead

do you think things are meant to be?

"I don't know, in a way it makes you think, oh I don't have to worry, it's all taken care of, it will all work out...but in another way its like, what if your life turns out really lousy, is it supposed to make you feel better that somebody planned that out for you, and there's nothing you can do about it?"

Saturday, September 26, 2009

"this is where were supposed to be
sitting by the broken tree
no tragedy no poetry, just staring at the sky"

i still sneak a peak every once in a while at your direction.

Its Saturday, almost the august yet again.Secretly I'm not dreading school;
you kind of just need to make your own fun sometimes.

Monday, September 21, 2009


Because pedophile doesn't describe him, neither does hot ass pedophile, of course the words that came to my mind were sexgod... I hate the time of the month. Seriously, God made the female human way to moody and complicated and especially dedicated a time for the month so we can be exponentially moody and complicated, not to mention covered in pimples or whatnot.

Anyways, its that time of year again, school has returned and I haven't had a shift at the bakery in ever. Deep down I'm worried that they have like secretly fired me, which would suck man balls because I thoroughly enjoyed the cash flow. I realize school is less painful this year, ten times more bearable than the previous hell I spent ten months of my life in. Its true that the people you're around affect your happiness, but happiness is a personal decision, that's right outside my window. I can wrap my hot little hands around it and try to hold on to it with my life, but I guess, it's really never that simple. I feel as though I'm finally content with my place. This is where I fit at school, and I have nothing to complain about. It makes me question the reason why I want to switch schools. I feel as though I'm not getting anywhere at this school, and that a new school will change that. Maybe it won't, maybe it will be worse than Carney. Who knows, but in this moment I hold my future. I can make the choice. I can maybe conduct some sort of change. I realize I'm thinking way too much about this, I'll let this year continue and see what happens.

"dont just live life like a routine, because its not"

Sunday, August 16, 2009

a little bit of this.

Good morning,

In the past two weeks, my mind has been filled with the tedious rhythmic drones of taking cookies off a tray and placing them in plastic containers. I work for eight dollars and fifty cents an hour so I can maybe spend a couple hundred on makeup and clothes while some of these fellows beside me work so they can eat and pay for rent. Its easy to see education is the easy way out in the long run. I'm doing good in school, and I will forever do good in school because I know what I am capable of, and its more than icing cookies all day. I realize how difficult life is and am on edge about the next few years in the transition to becoming more independent as I near my 'future.' Blanche Mcdonalds tuition is around 15,000 dollars, and I want in. I know cosmetology will not be my sole career path, but for one it is my hobby and passion. I don't know if its worth it though, I mean, I have to spend a lot more time in the bakery if I want to say no to a student loan.
Work means time and things get out of the way, I mean I missed Warped Tour this year. Huge sadgasm, and I feel as though I would have had a really good time if I went. Also at work I've met a lot of new kids. Shit son, really everyone smokes weed now a days. It doesn't bother me in a weird way, but I dislike ciggarettes. I mean everyone at work smells like shit. Quite frankly, its gross. I don't know. Time has been moving pretty fastly slow for me so in the end, I just dgaf.

PS, for that private caller who called me three times at 5 am, sorry for missing your call. I love people who call me at random times in the night because it screws around with my head that someone actually wants to talk to me, even if its some drunk bastard, I mean, you managed to dial my number? Hah, my mind has been an epic fail of a place lately and I think its due to some sleep deprivation and lack of interest in life.

And to conclude another pointless blog entry, I wanna say stop drinking the hatorade and start drinking the bubble tea, because Peter Chao makes my life.

Good night.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

movies movies movies.

I spend the majority of my time at the movie theater

and recently, a large amount of seemingly epic movies have been peeking out at me.
I am incredibly stoked for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland! March 5, 2010 cannot come
any faster. Also, New Moon looks incredible, I know not to have any great expectations for them
but honestly Taylor Lautner seems sufficient entertainment.

Dakota Fanning looks stunning, really excited to see how she plays out !!

I also am quite pumped to see Jennifer's Body. It was scripted by Diablo Cody, the guy (girl actually) who did Juno. Megan Fox plays the demonic cheerleader that eats boys, and Amanda Seyfried is the lame friend who has to kill the demonic female. Any ways, the film sound really stupid but I am intrigued. The contributing factors are mostly because the soundtrack is going to be epic with Panic's new single, All Time Low, Cobra, and even Dashboard Confessional. As well, I did thoroughly enjoy myself watching Juno, so thus I'm hoping to get a kick out of this one.

Monday, July 27, 2009

cue the sun

tom felton Pictures, Images and Photos

PS: I want Tom Felton.

I need Tom Felton.
I would do fucking Tom Felton.
If you haven't looked up his youtube account feltbeats then you are missing out.
From his accent, vocals, guitar playing, and fucking harmonica. He makes out for a delicious
musical orgasm

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

mad as a hatter


No joke, this film is gonna be epic.

Friday, March 20, 2009

I see you make your way through the crowd

And say hello, little did I know...

that you were brad pitt, gonna fall in love with angelina jolie and make cute babies
and my mommy said that i am freaking jennifer aniston
whose career isn't as good as her hot ex and he's now extremely better off with a hubba hubba of a wife and you're making lame movies like marley and me and dumping john mayer again because you know he will never live up to brad, but yet he still fills the void of your lonliness so you get back together with him but no matter what things wont be the same....

Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

Love Story - Taylor Swift Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

you think your so hot, oh you bigshot.

drugs Pictures, Images and Photos
"You are all pathetic self-righteous bigots who couldn't separate intellectuals from drunks if their very lives depended on it."
Your appalling chauvinistic existence is an insult to those of us who are trying to live our lives with appreciation and gratitude. Appreciation towards what, you ask? Towards nature, I say. Appreciation towards the undeniable beauty of our planet, our lives, the very fact that we exist. As I speak, your face turns blank, all expression erased. Who am I to expect you to comprehend these words; these words I have thought long and hard upon, waiting to unleash upon willing ears. I am sure it is beyond you to even appreciate the simple nature of things. So what do you do? You crack another beer. You sit there on the cement, looking exactly like every one of your friends. Whatever happened to originality, I ask. What ever happened to not listening, not giving a fuck about anything except your friends and where you are sleeping that night. Where in time did the line that divides your precious scene of pseudo-bohemian outcasts from the rest of the population become so blurred that you cannot see the one, major flaw in the way you live? It’s pointless. Your life has become a simple circle of sleeping, drinking, and repeating. Fuck school, you say, who needs that. I never learned nothing in school. Laughing, you take another sip of beer. In my head, I am yelling. I need school; I need to do something with my life. I need to prove to everyone, and most of all myself, that I can be somebody, I can do great things, and I can go places. I live each day suffering with the inadequacy of my existence, and well, quite frankly, I've had enough. I've had enough of seeing kids on the street shooting up, or date raping themselves. I'm sick of having to say no when I am offered cocaine, or acid, or whatever your friends' current drug of choice is. It’s fucking pathetic. You are fucking pathetic. You have this outrageous superiority complex that you completely undeserving of. What the fuck is so great about going out every night and doing a bunch of drugs and waking up the next day with a complete stranger? Does that make you better than everyone else? Do you really think you are that special? Let me tell you. If you honestly think, that you and your friends are above everyone else; if you believe for some preposterous reason that you are better, you are wrong.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

you are the creator of your own destiny.

"on occasions i like to let my mind wander"

  • i refuse to start this list about you. fuck, pretend that the first sentence isn't there.
  • i went for a walk today, and it was the first since summer. i almost got hit by a car, which got me thinking about how i could have totally just died right then and there and how lucky i am to still be breathing. At that thought, i inhaled the cigratte smoke that a man had just exhaled into my oxygen. I find it incredibly ironic, that to live we breath, and the air that i just breathed in could contain the toxins that might impede my lung functions forever
  • i need a vacation. asap. one day to go.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

it didn't make me cry, but other things did.

" I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. "

the notebook Pictures, Images and Photos

Saturday, March 7, 2009

you say it best

when you say nothing at all.

at first glance, the lyrics to a romantic and catchy love song.
in my glance, the truth to a quiet year.

Friday, March 6, 2009

on a timeline, everyone's survival rate drops to zero

fight club Pictures, Images and Photos

"the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't."

Thursday, March 5, 2009

its just

Skeletons love hearts. Pictures, Images and Photos

mind over matter
You are my very own black plague, a disaster of epic proportions. But you know what, they got over the black plague, with help.

-- "Numbers remind me of math, science, and things that get in the way." I have 3 projects due on Monday, $0.00 as my account balance,36 red smarties beside me; there are 18 days until I get to leave this place, 34 days until I ride a limo, buzzed and watch the Queen of Pop, 37, until I have the worst night of my life, and I get 10 extra minutes to sleep in tomorrow.

and I'm praying with all my might, on every single one of the billion stars outside, that there's
1 thing

that i can erase from my memory

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I finished Paper Towns about an hour ago. I feel as though, I have read the book but not digested it. In my mind I see Margo as a intricate creature. Upon watching John Green's youtube video on the prologue of the book, I feel the need to differ upon his comprehension in reading the book out loud. I am aware of the fact that he wrote the book, but when Margo talks about the dead man's open eyes, I feel an understanding towards her curiosity. Thinking about death, I realize I am not afraid of it. To die alone, to die at all. I remember when I was at like six, I asked my friend if you could die with your eyes open. And it intrigued to find out you can. Dieing with your eyes open is so morbid, so unorthodox to dieing with them closed. We are so used to realizing... or forgetting to realize that there is a soul behind the eyes that can see and feel and witness, that its just plain spooky to register that those opened eyes cannot see me. That there is nothing behind them, through the [insert how the eye works here, failed memory of science 8] that there is not a single recognition, no nerve ending telling the brain anything. I can see Margo marvelling at this. She seems to be a different type of human. Someone who sees more that the big picture, looks at it from the museum, not the art gallery. Her values in life seem real. The book really had me thinking. I want that life, to grow up, go to college, have babies... but why do I want that? Is it because thats what the epitome of life in our society. I know want to travel have my own adventures, and miracles, but in the end I too want to follow that cycle. Settle down, be like everyone else. But I now realize that I can't drive my life around that guide line. I want to find the deeper meaning into this book more than anything, but I still cannot grasp the underlying concept. I think I have some more rereading to do....


did i mention this was supposed to be a private blog?